Saturday, 10 February 2007


Looking back over the last few posts I think there's been a bit too much whinging and not enough of the stuff that makes us crease up with laughter.

So, in an attempt to redress the balance......

The other night we were called to an address by a mother whose son was smashing the place up. We got there within a few minutes but the little blighter had already run off. So we took a statement for the damage and went on our way asking mum to give us a ring if and when he came back.

She phoned us about an hour later to say he'd returned, so our little van popped along. I went round the back with a PCSO and two of the bobbies on my team went round the front. I heard talking from inside so I thought my colleagues had already gone in, so I went in through the back door.

Mum was alone inside in the lounge pointing upstairs, so I thought that perhaps this was where my colleagues had gone, so up I trooped.

When I got to the top of the stairs I could see into the lad's bedroom. He was there with his brother and a mate and he was obviously aware that we were here to nick him, though he hadn't seen me yet. He was running around like a headless chicken, the poor love, trying to find somewhere to hide. From just outside his room, in my best high-pitched voice, I whispered "quick, in the wardrobe!"

You could see the cogs turning as he stopped, thought about it, then dived into the wardrobe. I then squeeked, "quick, shut the door, shut the door!"

Again, grateful for the advice, he shut the door behind him.

I then went into the room and stood outside the wardrobe saying "shh, they'll hear you" to his brother and mate's amusement.

It all went quiet until, after a few minutes, a muffled voice came from inside "have they gone yet?"

I opened the door and said, "sorry mate, no, we haven't".

As I pointed out to him later in custody, everybody hides in the wardrobe. You've got more chance of not getting caught if you stand in the corner of the room with a lampshade on your head!

Friday, 2 February 2007

New Month, New Tea Fund

This caused all Hell on parade today. It's been suggested that if people pay their tea fund a year in advance they can have a £4 discount and then the Sgt who runs it doesn't have to chase them every month. This lead to the obvious "but what about if I'm posted away for 3 months" and "what if I leave the station before the end of the year" discussion.

In the end it was decided that, as it's only £20 this probably isn't worth getting too stressed about.

Once that was out of the way we cracked on with fighting crime. Quite a few of us in today (a Sgt and 4 PC's) so things started well. Unfortunately, one of the PC's had to deal with two prisoners left over from the early shift and another PC had an appointment pre-booked. Still, crack on.

It was the usual disputes and arguments between neighbours and friends. A burglary where a buggy was stolen from a porch.

One of the bobbies is dealing with a criminal damage where the master criminal has signed his own name with his "tag" all over the side of a sports centre. We looked on the internet to see if he's got a personal website and he has, with the same tag on it. So hopefully he'll squirm a bit when he's interviewed tomorrow.

I mean, I'm glad we're not facing an army of criminal geniuses because that would clearly make our job harder. But seriously, if some of them were characters in Cluedo they'd be called "Captain Potatohead" and "Lady Buffoon".

We also got a phone call from a grandfather reporting that his 14 year old granddaughter is having a sexual relationship with her 17 year old boyfriend. This is always a bit tricky to deal with. Firstly, it's going to be really difficult to progress unless the girl admits that she's been sleeping with him, which she's unlikely to do because "I love him and he loves me!"

It's also unlikely that the lad's going to be too quick to admit anything because he knows she's under the age of consent.

There's also sometimes a moral question, as in "should we really be getting involved?" I once dealt with something similar (15 year old girl, 16 year old boy) who both came from supportive, loving homes and had been together for over a year. The girl's father (estranged from the mother) phoned us to make the report, and it was more to get at his ex-wife than any concern for his daughter, who was clearly not in any danger. They (the boy and girl) used contraception and were really careful and obviously had very strong, real feelings for each other. I felt like I was trampling my size 9's somewhere they were neither needed nor wanted because of the allegation made out of malice.

In the end, the case was never pursued as it was deemed "not in the public interest". Sometimes you feel that doing the right thing is a lot more complicated than just following the letter of the law.