Thursday, 6 September 2007

Never Judge A Book By It's Cover

Is what my old mum always used to say. And she's right...

...unless you happen to be driving a green Peugeot 106, have a skin head hair cut, are covered in tattoos, have a girlfriend/f**k buddy in the passenger seat and insist on talking about "disrespecting" you.

Under these circumstances I can be fairly confident you'll give me loads of attitude and insist on making a huge display for the benefit of your neighbours (none of whom appeared to be at work, even though it was a weekday morning) so that you could be a local hero for telling me to "f**k off!"

I'm also pretty confident that when I tell you that you're under arrest for being a pillock that you'll kick off and your (we'll call her) girlfriend will start screaming at me to leave you alone.

And then, even though I'm about nine and a half stone and you weigh almost double that, I wouldn't be that surprised if you started kicking off and shouting about how I'm assaulting you and that I haven't got the right to grab hold of you and kick your legs away from you. (Actually, during the confusion, I never got the chance to ask which university you studied law at.)

As I wait for other officers to turn up I'm not that surprised that your underclass brethren decide to crowd around me and get all brave. Particularly the ones who are happy to drag their young kids with them (what, no school today either?) so that I can't marinate anybody with my new pava spray.

Oh, and not wanting to prejudge anything, I'm kind of expecting you to plead not guilty to the public order and resist arrest charges. And in doing so to sponge yet more money from the public purse. Well, why should you care? It's not like you pay taxes is it?

Which is a point that didn't go down too well during the cafuffle as we gave each other a hug in the middle of the road.

Random Leary Woman: "Oi, leave it out. We pay your wages!"
Me (for a moment not watching my tongue): "Er, no, I pay your benefits. So move away and dribble spit on someone else".

I'll stick another post on similar to this one which demonstrates why I think my patience with these people is starting to fade somewhat. I need to be careful before I come out with something that will get me in trouble.


thoughts running through my head.... said...

ah,don't worry about it-they're too stupid to lodge a complaint!!

Roxy said...

I'm sure if I did the maths I would find my my taxes don't even pay for one copper, I wouldn't dream of saying that to anyone.

I walked into a police station today for a job interview, there was a young local in the uniform of cap, trackies, socks pulled over the bottoms of the trackies and tatty trainers. I was trying to figure out how to say why I was there without him knowing why I was there, couldn't figure out a way so just said "Hi I'm Roxy, I'm here for an interview" when I sat down the lad said to me "what kind of job is it? Is it to be a copper?" I said "No, just Police Staff", he nodded and said "ah" when they called my name and I got up to walk through the door he said "Good luck" I think I might have judged him wrong :)

Emma said...

Well I completely agree with you SW you keep it up, oh and where have you been? I have missed your dry wit and sarcasm, don't go for so long next time...xx

ControlRoomOp said...

You'd be amazed at the number of the 'underclass' who never have credit on their phones so feel it is their right to dial 999 to enquire about their son/mother/girlfriend/boyfriend in the cells, or report their giro being stolen and just needing an incident number.
I've been taught several new words by suggesting they either walk to the station and enquire in person or next time they are at Bargain Booze buy credit instead of the 200 fags and a 6-pack.

Girl*Next*Door said...

Something tells me you're a little pissed off but hey, look on the bright side..... It'll be Christmas soon & then you'll have random drunk people telling you they love you (maybe) or drunk women fawning over the uniform, lol :)

jerym said...

very strange, no comments

Sergeant Simon said...

ha ha "No I pay your benefits". Quality.

ExTrafficbiker said...

Whenever I used to get the "I pay your wages" line I responded with "Thank you very much Sir/Madam. Much appreciated. Long may you continue to do so".

PC44 said...

Like the "pay your benefits line. As the skipper says...quality.

Phil Bowles said...

Dear Blogger,

I am an ex Met officer, now in my 3rd year of a full-time law degree. I have a research project underway and I really need the views of serving officers on one specific question (regarding s139 CJA 1988). I have created a small and very basic website which poses the question and allows officers to vote yes/no to the answer.

The site is (no’www’ – that’s important)

I’d be hugely grateful if you could pop a link to it on yr blog. For statistical purposes, the more replies I get, the better!


Phil Bowles

Anonymous said...

Another good response to that is " Look what a good service your getting for your money!!" free bed and breakfast anyone

Anonymous said...

Keep up the good work. It is great that so many coppers are speaking out about what it is really like out there on the streets.

Have you read PC Bloggs book yet? It is hilarious. Right up your street. She says exactly the things that you have been ranting about for ages.

It's called Diary of an On-Call Girl: True Stories from the Front Line. I've almost finished it and been cackling to myself and thinking of your blog as I've been reading it.

Nicholas Hough said...

Love that line, "No, I pay your benefits!" Great put down!

Out of interest, what's pava spray?! Is it the same as CS Spray?


Girl With The Golden Touch said...

I'll be one of those girls at Christmas!! Love your comeback line

Anonymous said...

I honestly feel sorry for poor coppers who have to deal with the sort of pack dogs who do not have it within themselves to handle a situation reasonably and on their own. I suppose I may be lucky insomuch tht I live in the wilds of Lincolnshire where coppers are all gents and will still come in for a chat and a cuppa. (workload willing)

I know the frustration one feels with having to come face to face with what is basically "pack-dog" mentality.

Thing is, when it all goes tits-up for these dogs, who do they call?

PCSO said...

Great post. I too like the comment "No, I pay your benefits!", I'll have to remember that one.

Big Fella in Blue said...

This is an everyday occurence on the estates they think that is they smoke 60 a day that they pay our wages because of the VAT taken by the government, one of our PCSOs was sent to see if a drunken teenager needed some help only to have 15 youths attack her, she now has a supected broken shoulder along with bruises and cuts as if she had been mauled by a black bear.
This is the country we now police, we need a harder court system and the home office to back us.

Alexianna said...

I love your comeback line too! They are all too willing to give you grief. But what about when (god forbid!) these ass@#les find they need your help? Wait a minute, that's never going to happen! Right?

Girl*Next*Door said...

You've gone again! Hope you're ok xx