1. I want to be able to go to lots of jobs using blue lights and not have to take my pen out of my pocket when I get there.
2. I want to get the chance to watch Hot Fuzz during the wee small hours.
3. I want to arrest a Bad Person and not have to wait for hours to get him booked into custody.
4. I want to go a fight outside a kebab shop and start singing "Eye Of The Tiger" over the p.a. system. Just to see what happens.
5. There should be a squad "camp-a-thon" where one member of the team has to act like Sebastian for an hour at a time.
6. I should be threatened by at least 5 people per night saying "wait til I see you out of uniform".
My reply each time should be, "Well, it's a lovely offer but I'd like to get to know you a bit better before you get me out of uniform". Ideally, this should be whilst it's my turn to "do" Sebastian.
7. I want to have loads of emails from people whinging about me not submitting paperwork to them. I should reply to each of them with a different recipe lifted from the Jamie Oliver website. Again, just to see what happens.
8. I want there to be a report of an automatic alarm at a really nice house so that I can have a good look round and do my Through The Keyhole bit. "Who'd want to live in a house like this?" There's a version we play when we go to visit the underclass - "Who'd want to take heroin and systematically ignore and abuse their children in a slum like this".
9. I want to meet a real victim of a real crime and be able to help them so that they leave feeling a sense of justice and protection from the Police.
10. When I meet a pretend victim of a this didn't really happen crime I want to smile sweetly and use the phrase, "Look, please don't take this the wrong way, but I really don't care enough to stay for another minute.
11. I want to spend some time composing a suggestion to Senior Management. I'll give it some snazzy title like, "The Way Forward - Together". It'll probably involve lots of terms like "stakeholders" and "partner agencies" and the gist will be making all warranted Police officers redundant and replacing them with raspberry flavour Police-shaped jellies. It will no doubt be taken seriously and by the next time you read this blog I'll have been promoted. Twice.
12. Most of all, I'd like to come home safe at the end of the shift.
Eye of The Tiger
Posted Mar 21, 2006A music video for the 80s classic Survivor - Eye of the Tiger. From Rocky. http://www.rockinthebury.com
7 comments:
Yes and I pray for you all to come home safe at the end of your shifts...xxx
Quality blog.
Thanks for your comments.
I'm trying my best to think up a religious link to getting pissed all inclusive in Ibiza but I'm stumped.
I've added you to my blog.
Brilliant again and so funny!! :D
When you do get that shift, can I join you, pretty please, pleeeeeaaase? And when it does happen & if I get into the police, please can that be what every shift is for me? Please? *Fluttering eyelashes*
Lol
And I hope number 12 is true for every copper, every time.
Without prejudice, seems a bit modern.
Unfortunately, I think that shift will happen when the pot of gold is found at the bottom of a rainbow, dodos come back to life and miscreants can properly spell swear words.
But I do hold out more hope for number 12.
Are we talking full-size jellies or miniatures?
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