I'm not sure if I'm doing it right though. When my team are together on a van crew at the weekend we have a laugh, which includes taking the p*ss out of each other.
(And if any of my team are reading this, yes I am only short. And, yes, my hair the other day did make me look like a 10 year old schoolboy. Noted!)
If a member of public draws our attention, then we may well comment, privately, about their physical appearance. Particularly if they look like Quasimodo's bigger, uglier brother.
One of the females on my team dropped a bollock the other week and referred to herself as "having a blonde moment". I didn't challenge her comment.
The probationer with the youngest service said "I'd better go and make the tea then hadn't I? Because I'm the newest". I didn't stop him and give him a big hug. (In fact, I told him not to forget to put 2 sugars in mine.)
The most respected copper on the team referred to one of local oiks as "a thieving little shit". Instead of writing him up for the discipline book, I kind of agreed with him.
One girl, we'll call her "Susan" was outside having a brew and a ciggie with me when she made some comment along the lines of "I think there's too many people sneaking into the country then committing crime. I reckon if they get caught breaking the law they should be sent home again!" I know, I know. I should have reported her to Professional Standards and stood there cheering as she was made an example of. But, given that I agreed with her, too, I'd have felt a bit hypocritical. So I made her another cup of tea.
I've also been overheard referring to people as "girlfriend" rather than "partner"; "black" rather than "african british"; "gay" rather than "member of gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender community" and "tosser" rather than "Superintendent".
I know I'm not supposed to enjoy myself at work, in case somebody takes offence, but I can't help it. I love doing my job, I love helping people (those who actually need my help and not just a slap around the back of the head) and I love the time I get to have a laugh with my squad.
It's just that, with all this unprofessional behaviour, nobody's resigned or gone off sick with "stress due to bullying". I mean, if you believe the hype, we're all spending 8 months of the year on the sick playing golf and putting shelves up at home.
I'm not suggesting for a second that the people who bring in these regulations about what we're allowed to say/do/think are wrong. I mean, they must be right. The Force is spending thousands on them. It's just that, no matter how often I use phrases like "thieving scumbag" or "gutless yob", I don't seem to be upsetting anybody.
Which brings me back to the start of the post. I've looked into it, and I'm definately part of the "canteen culture". But, for some reason, nobody's offended. If anyone's got any suggestions on how I can improve my performance (there's targets to meet here!) I'd be grateful.
9 comments:
Oi, our lot nicked you already for impersonating a Polisman. Something about having an offensive weapon and waving it about.
..... and I heard your performance went down well!
Regards,
McNoddy
Improve your performance? Sorry Pal, seems to me that you have definitely reached the top already. It's all downhill now, for you.
(Sings; "Come and join us, Come and join us...")
I sometimes use the term "Scudbucket!" when referring to some of our regular customers and everyone understands where I am coming from.
I,ve worked along side your good selves on many an occassion and seen/heard the abuse you take from the lovely MOP but you take it all in your stride.
Personally I would have liked to have seen instant retribution in the form of nailing the scumbags tongue to a fence then cheese-grating it.
Well spotted Noddy!
I suppose if he wants to, he can stop me using it? Didn't realise what it was at first, just thought it was a random witty picture.
Having read the story on your blog he seems like a decent enough chap though, if a little too quick to get his kit off!
There is a huge difference between a bit of banter and making rascist or other deliberatly offensive remarks. Nobody should have to put up with being bullied, but light hearted banter never harmed anyone. Most Police officers have the sense to know the difference between the two.
If a Police Officer can't take a small amount of banter from colleagues, then how will they cope with the crap Joe Public dishes out?
If I dissolved into tears/went off sick everytime I am called called "melons" at work then i would have spent very little time doing my job. Even if the joke is getting boring after all these years!
Maybe i should have made a complaint when the (black) receptionist told me at work that my legs were in danger of giving her snow blindness. I just thought it was funny.
Feel free to use any of the many insults my colleagues have levelled at me over the years. Or you could just use the time honoured favourite "Hows the weather up there"!
I am just laughing!!(which is allowed as I'm not on duty btw)
Im short, as in 5ft short. Im very blonde at times, not hair colour but nature, sometimes i say the stupidest things & even I can't quite believe I've said it! I get called halfpint, titch, shorty, mouth on legs & a cheeky little cow, (amongst other things! lol) I also get patted on the head, GRRRRR, HATE that & thats why they do it! But I wouldn't have it any other way, I know my mates mean it in a good natured way, everyone can have a laugh & it gives a bonding to the whole group. Plus, I can hold my own while taking the p*ss out of them!
The day I get offended by an offhand comment or something said in jest & not meant nastily is the day I will shoot myself or asked to be put down out of kindness as I am no longer able to take a joke(& to give everybody's ears a break form chattering too much!!!) Lol
Bril post :o)
I do wonder sometimes how coppers can be expected to take a face full of abuse from a punter if they can't take a bit of banter from their mates at work.
Still, I suppose it takes all sorts. As long as I don't have to work with them...
We haven't heard the end of it (if you'll pardon the expression). Colleagues attended a house alarm the other evening in a posh part of Toytown and these hoitytoity ladies emerged with their Pimms in hand and charmingly announced, "OH LOOK IT'S THE STRIPPERS."
The attending unit just, as we say up these parts, glowered at them. Sometimes even the allegedly guid folk can be a royal pain in the posterior. Had it been one of our usual customers, we could at least have told them to go forth and multiply.
Keep reading my blog for the result of the case!
McNoddy
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