What Is The Average Copper?

Leading on from the previous post, it's got me wondering about what, exactly, is the average copper? So, here's a few thoughts... I'll use the word "he" and a kind of "gender non-specific way" because I can't be bothered to write he/she all the time...

1. He is always covering his arse about using words like "he".
2. He goes on duty with one set of handcuffs, one baton, one can of CS spray and about eighteen pens.
3. He likes nicking thieves and drug addicts.
4. He can't remember the last time he got the chance to nick a thief or a drug addict.
5. He genuinely wants to make a difference in society, but is saddened by the fact that all the beaurocracy in the job is doing it's best to stop him.
6. His staple diet at work is kebabs and pizza, apart from when Mrs Paperwork makes him a lovely pasta salad which he takes to work in a tupperware tub.
7. On those occasions, he forgets to take a fork and, after using one from work, forgets to take it back and it ends up going home with him. Because of this, his kitchen drawer contains six knives and sixteen forks.
8. He loves going to jobs on blue lights.
9. He is neither racist, sexist, homophobic or Gingerist , yet he lives in constant fear of being accused of such.
10. He manages to make jokes about things like badly decomposed bodies, not because he's unprofessional but because otherwise the things he has to deal with would severely screw his head up.
11. He is assaulted on a depressingly regular basis.
12. And yet he doesn't routinely beat people up, regardless of what tosh you sometimes see in the papers.
13. He knows that part of the reason there's so few bobbies about is because so many people waste Police time with spurious nonsense. Because of this, he doesn't understand why those same people then complain when it takes us so long to respond to their "request" for Police attendance.
14. If the job gave out NVQ's for everything we actually do, he'd be qualified in social care, child care, negotiating, IT, book keeping and accounting, health and safety, law, management and people skills, performing arts, public services, first aid, driving, animal care and "looking interested". However, they don't, so he can be classed as unskilled when it comes to pay rise time.
15. He knows that, without his goodwill to work until he's ready to drop then the whole house of cards would come crumbling down. However, even when treated shodilly by Senior Management or Government he still doesn't withdraw this goodwill and continues to blue arse from job to job picking up more and more bits of paper along the way.
16. He knows that justice is blind and all people are equal before the law. Except Police officers who, if accused of some minor indescretion (whether or not with any substance) will be investigated by a crack team of detectives and are far more likely to face prosecution (whether or not there's sufficient evidence to meet charging guidelines).
17. He works best if there's fresh tea and a nice cake at parade.
18. On the few occasions he watches The Bill he'll scream things like "That's wrong!" constantly during the interview scenes.
19. On the few occasions he watches The Bill he'll probably say, "Fair enough" during the scenes where everyone's jumping in and out of bed with each other.
20. Regardless of all the crap that gets thrown at him from all sides; Management, Government, public and media, he still enjoys his job and realises that, without him, we'd all be buggered!