Reality TV

If "real" Police dramas really were real:

1. At no time shall there be more than 4 Police officers on screen at any one time. Because there aren't more than 4 Police officers on duty.
2. Sometimes the Police work at night. To keep things simple, we call this "nights". So we'll have a couple of scenes in the dark.
3. Detective Inspectors don't charge about nicking villains. They sit in offices telling me what to do.
4. Of those 4 officers on duty, at least 2 will be doing paperwork at any one time.
5. The Police canteen has been closed and turned into offices for Civillian support staff whose job is to send me emails.
6. The Police cars aren't shiney and new. They are, in fact, decrepit and old.
7. When CID interview someone, there isn't a uniformed copper standing at the back of the room saying nothing. (see point 1.)
8. Solicitors don't just sit there saying nothing. They're too busy making sure their client remembers the story they've concoted together.
9. The Police officers wouldn't wear their hats every time they got out of a car. In fact, they lost their hats about six months ago and haven't seen them since.
10. Their radios only work about half the time. The other half it sounds like you're talking to metal mickey's less eloquent step-brother.
11. The Police would warn the hooded youth that they might end up being arrested. The youth would reply "fu*k off!"
12. Officers would attend a concern for welfare where the occupant of a house hadn't been seen for 2 weeks. Instead of swinging into action they'd stand on the door step poking each other saying "You go in" "No, you go in".
13. An officer would try to break up a fight outside a pub. However, instead of helping out, the public would start recording things on their mobiles hoping that they'd get something worth selling to the news.
14. And finally, the Sergeant would want to get a PC in for a bollocking but within a few seconds the PC would put in a grievance for bullying. The Sergeant would be sent off to the naughty boy corner on "administrative duties" and the PC would get the posting of their choice.