What's That Flashing Blue Thing???

So, carrying on as if I'd never been away, I was on lates yesterday and it was a busy old shift. Probably the nice weather. Nothing too exciting, but enough jobs to keep me out of mischief.

As a Sergeant I'm supposed to stay in my office and monitor the jobs coming in and take an overview of what's happening. Unfortunately, I've got a really low boredom threshold so I normally last for about an hour or so before I've got to go out and get some fresh air. Besides, I think it's important for the officers on my team to know that I'm pitching in and it's important for me to supervise them at incidents, not just whilst they're filling out endless forms.

So anyway, yesterday. I'd popped out to a neighbour dispute on the patch next to ours because they didn't have anyone to go. All very routine. Two people, grown adults no less, who can't go more than ten minutes without arguing with each other and getting us involved. After I'd been there for about 20 minutes, giving everybody big hugs and cuddles, a job came in on our patch.

A woman had taken an overdose of medication and sliced both her wrists, then wandered off. She telephoned her boyfriend (who was about 300 miles away) to tell him what she'd done. He then phoned the Police and we were left trying to find her using the clues she'd given to him. Something about being near a bridge and some toilets. I'll probably go into the specific job more another time. (it involves me kneeling down in a lady's public toilet looking under the cubicle doors. I'm going to have to give it some decent thought to make sure I don't make myself sound like a little bit of a pervert).

Anyway, this job was obviously a higher priority than the one I was at. (I mean, honestly, he was cutting his hedge and some of the clippings fell into your garden. Get over it. Life's too short). So I let the control room know that I was attending to co-ordinate the search for her. But because I'd drifted over to the other patch I was now eight and a half miles away. With a town centre full of rush hour traffic between me and her last known position. Splendid!

You see, it's not really the done thing to admit to enjoying blue light runs. I'm supposed to be very reserved and say things like, "Well, it's part of the job. But not the sort of thing I like to talk about." Well sod that! Confession time, I love blue light runs. I didn't join the Police just to drive on blue lights, but now I'm here I don't mind admitting that I rather enjoy it. It's probably not supposed to be exciting, but I'm afraid that it is.

And one of the things that makes it exciting (and the reason you have to concentrate so hard) is the way that other drivers are so unpredictable. In this one blue light run yesterday, I had people swerving up onto footpaths to get out of my way; drivers slamming their brakes on and leaving their cars sitting across two lanes; old dears who happily pottered on at 20 miles per hour not realising that there's a shiney white car behind them with blue strobe lights, flashing headlights and making a weird "nee naw" sound. I had at least two cars who helpfully decided to turn right as I approached from behind them and another who didn't realise I was behind him for about 400 yards, even with every oncoming car flashing him like mad. I sometimes wonder how much the UK economy would save if car manufacturers didn't bother paying to put mirrors on cars. I mean, from what I've seen it's a complete waste of time and money.

I set off two speed cameras and a red light camera, so I can look forward to receiving a Notice of Intended Prosecution through the internal mail in a few weeks and having to spend an hour or so putting the reports together for them all as to why I shouldn't be prosecuted.

I had two of our local numpties shout "wanker" at me as I passed them (which reminds me, I've got to go and see them when I go to work later and give them an £80 ticket each) and loads of little kiddies waving at me. In fact, whenever I've got a passenger their main job is waving back at small children. Cos we're nice like that.

And in the end, between my team, some of the community bobbies, a dog handler, the force helicoptor and a rather marvellous lady who phoned us when she saw the woman with the sliced wrists, we found her and got her to hospital before she was too seriously ill.

It was my first proper day back at work for over a fortnight (been on a course and at Crown Court) and it was all rather wonderful. Looking forward to today's shift actually. Which, unfortunately, starts in half an hour. And I'm sitting writing this wearing only a towel. Best be off then...